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Derp Transportation in Columbia
Sitemap Derp Transportation in Columbia A More Feeble Transport Systems in Columbia : * See Also Infinite BS --- --- --- --- --- ' "DONT EVER LET AN ARTIST DESIGN SOMETHING YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON" - Neil Armstrong ' So awful. Most Technology shown in Bugs Bunny Cartoons is more realistic than the things shown in this game. The Concept artists came up with fairly plausible systems. Of Course THOSE weren't used in the game. --- --- --- Infinite BS Floaty Things : The Hand off the Profit (Comstock's Death Barge) might as well have been a Mississippi Steamboat styled craft for all the Zeppelin shape had to do with anything (people trust that shape as something that flies ??? (How would they know when most real advancements happened well after Columbia 'Seceded ???) Then why isn't all of Columbia shaped like that IF such 'trust' is required ??? ex- Barges ... they don't look like that, etc...) ((( theres a pix somewhere like that ))) - The 'Skylines' would have been better off as power lines. You could still have the weird face-slicer Skyhook thingee to 'race along the wires' (slide down on them?) except now they could go everywhere with lots of path changes and such. (You look at a real picture from that time of a real city and there are tons of wires going everywhere). Booker could have walked on the wires since he's become a circus acrobat anyway. One of the 'gears' coulda been special shoes to allow him to Run on them. ((But again, this kinda game already with its freakish rollercoaster railroads, that don't go anywhere. has to contrive to keep you from getting anywhere except for the limited path they planned for you Imagine Columbia done Right using the MMORPG game engine). --- --- --- --- --- AUTOMOBILES STUPID !!!! . . . . . . . . . . I know why they didn't try to have automobiles in Columbia -- It was TOO HARD GAMEMAKING-WISE, and Gave too much Control to the Player. AND driving an Auto just 150 feet and then having to stop because of level size limitations would be ALMOST as stupid as those Skyline Circles in the 'battle arena' areas. Automobiles (and trucks) WERE the most practical/cost-effective/versatile transport of Columbia's Era (and even moreso to be seen 'In The Future'). Automobiles could be powered by Blue Orby things too, AND FLY !!!!!!. They would have been what Fink "saw in the future", and roads would (COULD) have been a 'proper' transportation system in Columbia. The gamemakers somehow Got stuck in Bad Steampunk mode. Hmmm, Awnings ... NOTE- Sign painted simply on the flat side of a building. --- . . . . . . The rollercoaster-like Skylines shown in the Infinite BS game were shown to be the opposite of what a real system of that type SHOULD have been. SO assuming the 'Do it Cuz it Looks Cool' mentality of the game designers, THIS is what any roads in Columbia would have looked like. EXCEPT : DO Eliminate those supporting trestle-works -- As the game's dingbat Skylines generally lacked that Real World required structural feature. ---- EXTRACT AND CONSOLIDATE HERE pictures of course --- Rollercoaster skyline --- --- --- . . . . . . . . . . ' "Barges" ' 'Barges' ? Hover vs Fly vs Float. "Hover craft" not invented until 1956 so the 'hover' doesn't have the later connotation of that vehicle type. Balancing is a tricky technical system EVEN in our advanced Tech World. Real Hovercraft use the ground immediately under them to offer the stabilizing influence to the mechananism. Those odd wooden(?) rockets on either side of those 'Barges' - NOTE they are NOT Pointing to the REAR to impel/drive the Craft forward, which it would have IF the 'FloatyShit' was simply making it float/self-balancing. One rocket fails, putting it all out of balance, and it FLIPS OVER and quick death ensues. (( '' Its like something a game designer who flunked Tinkertoys in Kindergarten would come up with - Ohh, its got rocket jets - DERRRRRRP !!!! '' )) Those rocket things propelling 'Barges' in Infinite BS - German engineers 30 years later (WW2) with 500X the skill/knowhow/brains and available technology/materials/tools STILL had endless trouble making such things ... IT Took years and almost missed WW2. Steam-powered propellers not good enough for them ? BTW you 'writers', WHERE does the rocket fuel come from ?? More Quantumz magic ? You DO know the things use HUGE amounts of fuel ? NO? It IS called "ROCKET SCIENCE" because it IS something KNOWN (real world) to be difficult (and still is today). And Flames big enough to 'drive' things through the air tend to set things on fire and incinerate passersbye (Maybe useful to menace the 'cattle' in Shantytown - A Menace Accessory ... ). (( '' Done for the lighting/animation effect ? Isn't that the whole game in a nutshell ? '' )) WE Could have had neat/spiffy Sail Driven floating 'Barges' - except those would take skill to have them maneuvering about the games terrain, AND the sail would obstruct/get-in-the-way of using them as 'jump' targets and the clumsy combat activities the game allows. --- --- --- Skyline --- --- --- Ground Railroads in factory areas --- --- --- Cranes (Why have Cranes when you can have floating Forklifts ??????????) --- --- --- . . . . . . . . . Gondolas The 'Gondolas' seem to be used in fixed paths on Cables -- via a design that is enough to make any engineer cringe and shake their head at the ignorance of the designer. (( '' Hang them from above idiots!!! - But NO, that would 'get in the way' of the 'Death from Above' Leaping Attacks ... '' )) If it was self-floating then it need only be guided to its destination, not over-difficult to simply treat/use those cables that way INSTEAD of emplying them as if they were rails the thing is sitting on. DOUBLE DOUBLE DERRRRRRRP !!!! '' I'm always amused by such mechanisms that belong in A Dimmer Brained Candy Land. ((Truly amusing is how this thing is supposed to stay the hell on the 2 cable/rail/whatevers ... its truly clueless )). With that 45 degree downslope, the ride in these things must've been real fun. See, With those rollers at that angle, they will impact the big cable(?) pulley thing and derail and send that vehicle to a plummeting screaming fall to its destruction on the ground (no floaty quantum thingee or why need to sit on a cable ???). Lesson : "DO NOT LET ANY "ARTIST" BUILD *ANYTHING* YOU USE IN YOUR REAL LIFE -- MOST OF THEM ARE TECHNICAL MORONS AND WILL GET YOU KILLED !!!!" - Q : "Oh, all you do is complain. What would YOU do different ?" A : Not have this ridiculous thing for a start. ( to quote Red Forman - "They Promised Us Jetpacks !!!!" ) ---- --- --- --- '''Lighthouse Rocket' --- --- --- Independant Chunks of Building (Which float independantly, move and 'dock' on a schedule) --- --- --- . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gianourmous Bridges Game makers I mean Too Much LDS In The ^0s ... ... Bridges to nowhere, impossibly huge Statues, a strange nature of Clouds, clusters of Floaty City Chunks just begging to run into each other, buildings they didn't even read the "1900 Buildings for Dummies" book for ... "DONT EVER LET AN ARTIST CREATE SOMETHING YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON" - I.M. Pei --- --- --- . . . . . . . . Automatic - Stallion and Horsecarts/Wagons --- --- --- STAIRS EVERYWHERE --- --- --- Zeppelins The ICONIC Stupidity ... Zeppelin On The Brain --- --- --- MONGO OF THE ZEPPELINS (Hand of the Profit) . . . . . . . . They got too stuck on the Zeppelin shaping -- Real imagination would have it be some Giant Angel shape, which the Quantumz BS allowed. This isn't really aerodynamically efficient (compare to a real Zeppelin/Airship) so that need no longer be held to. Wouldn't a Giant Angel have been much more appropriate to the religious connotations of Comstock's 'The New Eden' theme ? I'm sure that Lightning could have been made to shoot out of its eyes and fireballs out of its ass, with the Quantumz Juju the game is based upon. Come to think of it, IT (A Giant Angel "Hand of the Prophet" ) could have been a HUMONGUS Robot mechanism and had a pre-canned scene of it rampaging through New York City - - - 'Now Thats Good Game Writin' ... --- --- --- Lighthouse Map of Route : . . . . . . . . . . . Railroads criss-cross that path and the thing called 'telegraph' could be used to track movements. The US Government would then have no problem using artillery to shoot Columbia down (which probably happened in many/most of those 'parallel dimensions', resulting in most sideways 'Tears' leading to twisted wreckage of Columbia on the ground, and mangled remains of the Cultists (well picked over by scavengers and siteseers and souvenir hunters). That Infnite BS Lighthouse isn't exactly a hidden base, and with weird things happening there it would become known and an avenue for agents to get aboard Columbia and soon bring the cultists' downfall (Sorry, no Super Secret conspiracies to allow it to remain existing ...). Columbia's career of stealing goods and people (don't visit Cannibal Zombie Columbia if you can avoid it) made it MORE than an embarrassment to the Unite State of America. Great effort (involving National Honor) would have quickly ended Columbia, so this particular (game's) universe must be one of the 'lucky ones' where Jar Jar Binks had taken over the US Government, or something. --- --- --- Self Afflicted Stupidity - 'You Think Rapture's Transit was Bad ... : ''' In Columbia you have Circulating Floating Buildings that only come around a few times a day. And 'step lively' or you'll get you feet crushed by the docking plates, or fall over its unprotected edge (15000 feet to your screaming death). Oh, you could still take a barge or a Gondola thingee ?? Why not JUST use those ALL the time then, and avoid the ridiculous wait, and alot of floaty air and motion sickness (and how exactly did the utilities work (connect to) on those independently floating blocks anyway ?) What kept them from crashing into each other, or the Vox hijacking one and menacing the city with it ? Oh, yeah, it looked 'neat' and was a 'wondrous' concept, but then so do alot of bizarre dreams of insane people (and lame-arsed game writers). '''Fantasy in, fantasy out. --- --- --- --- --- . .